Brave

I would like to think of myself as someone who is adventurous. But the sad truth is somewhere in between gaining a bunch of weight and losing myself to PCOS, I started using the line, I am just too heavy to do that.

Ugh! I hate that line and I have said it so many times I could scream. Just scream. At myself. I mean of course some things I was too heavy for, like those cheap plastic lawn chairs, yep, those I was not going to sit in if you paid me too. But a lot of things I wasn’t too heavy for and would have done me some good.

I started working on trying new things a couple of years ago and have been pleasantly surprised on what I am capable of. I walked an entire 5k when I thought I couldn’t. I started running. I started facing my loathing of hills. I hiked longer than I had ever hiked before. I was able to go for very long bike rides and ride my bike to work.

So this weekend, after weeks of R trying to convince me I wasn’t too heavy to kayak, I finally bit the bullet and went for it. Of course this was after I had R check the weight limits on the kayaks and had about 5 panic attacks on the way to the rental place. I even watched several videos on how to get in and out of a kayak. This is how my crazy anxious mind works. I go through every possible embarrassing scenario.

The first obstacle was finding a life jacket. I was utterly shocked to discover that a normal fits all life jacket fit me. It was a bit tight but it fit. I decided to go with the plus size one though just because I didn’t want to feel all restricted. The second obstacle was getting into the kayak, I wasn’t graceful at it but I wasn’t ungraceful either. No one laughed or made fun of me. Then the third obstacle was rowing and learning how to move about the water without freaking out.

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I got to tell you, it was a beautiful day and there was lots of other kayaks. Some experienced, some not, some bigger like me. It was comforting. It was nice. R and I paddled to the shore and he got me used to getting in and out of the kayak a few times. Just so I knew I could do it if I somehow tipped out. But the kayak was sturdier than I thought and before I knew it I was paddling hard and loving it. Every muscle in my shoulders started to work out the kinks from sitting at a desk all week hunched over a keyboard. My legs started to stretch out. I watched the ducks, the other kayaks and explored all the little areas around the lake. It was such a beautiful way to enjoy the lake and the sunny day.

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The great part is that I could feel my body working. I could feel my muscles moving and my heart beating faster. Hard to imagine that something so fun was actually a work out.

So there it is, be brave. Whether you are plus size or not, be brave. Try new things. Push yourself out of your boundaries. Do it with someone you trust. Calm those anxieties down. Because some experiences are so worth it. I can’t wait to go kayaking again and I never would have fallen in love with it if I hadn’t moved outside of my comfort zone a bit and stopped telling myself I was too fat.

What have you done that was brave recently??

 

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2 thoughts on “Brave

  1. Pingback: Brave | Laughter and Carbs

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