So how are you? I noticed that we haven’t been sleeping a lot and our eating has been sporadic. There is a lot of stress right now and I am still learning to cope with it all in a healthy way. I know that when you cause stomach aches, grumpiness, anxiety and headaches, you are really just letting me know that you can’t function off of four hours of sleep a night or live off of Taco Bell washed down with a hard cider. I know you need to be treated better. I am sorry for not treating you better recently or ever.
I have so very much to apologize for body. I really do. You have been doing your best but all I seem to do is curse you. I hate you for having PCOS. I hate you for not being normal. I hate you for making me feel tired all the time. I hate you for not allowing me to get pregnant. I have even threatened that if given the option I would trade you in for a better model. But the truth is, I don’t hate you because it truly isn’t your fault. I know this now.
When you were diagnosed with PCOS and weighed in around 300 pounds, I cried and I blamed you. I cursed you for gaining the weight and having faulty genetics. But I never did anything about it. I just cursed you over and over again, increasing how much unhealthy food I was shoving into your mouth trying to comfort myself. I had low self esteem and barely any confidence. I was a mess. A freaking hot mess. I still am at times. But it wasn’t your fault.
I understand that you need the proper fuel to get better. I understand that you can’t be anemic for long periods of time without giving off angry warning signs. I understand that you need a full nights rest in order to function. I understand that you need more water. You want to run that 5k. You want to shed those pounds. I know you are ready for a better life, more confidence, less stress. I am working on it. I promise.
You have been trying to show me the way. Show me how good it can feel when I work out on a daily basis and eat the right foods. When I sleep for eight hours at night and drink lots of water. You have been clearing up my acne a bit to show me that if I give you what you need, you will give me what I want. I am sorry it took me so long to realize that it wasn’t you, it was me. I am sorry it took so long for me to see that you were trying to work with what you have been given. I believe in you. I believe in me. I believe we can dedicate our lives to learning to live peacefully together with the PCOS. We can do this! I promise!