I’m Back

I meant to post something last Friday regarding not posting for a week. I had also meant to write a few posts and put them on schedules to post periodically while I was gone. But best laid plans and all that, my week before my vacation was downright HECTIC. Between work and home, the stress, the mishaps and everything else, I was pretty sure I was going to have a major melt down before we could even get on the plane last Saturday. But I survived with the help of some pretty awesome people, I had a great time and I promise to do a blog post of a review of my cruise today or tomorrow. In the mean time, life is settling down again. Luckily I had a 3 day weekend so I could get ALL the loads of laundry done (and there was a LOT), I cleaned up the whole house, spent lots of time cuddling with my loves, responded to personal emails and just got some down time before heading back to work. I still need to sort through about 300 vacation photos and order some prints to make a scrapbook, but that will happen in due time.

I was pretty shocked when I stepped on the scale on Friday and didn’t gain any vacation weight. I didn’t lose but I didn’t gain. It was a relief. Especially since I ate deserts, didn’t count calories and just enjoyed myself thoroughly without any worries about clean eating. But I also ate fresh fruit for breakfast, stuck to mostly low carb foods and was very active during our cruise as well. I just naturally gravitated towards things that normally make me feel good. It was nice not coming home to having 10 pounds of vacation weight to worry about.

Before the cruise I had burnt out. I was exhausted with constantly over obsessing about calories and carbohydrates. The more research I did on how to eat, the more contradicting information I came up with. I was over worried about how many calories I was taking in, did I eat enough or not enough, did I work out enough. It was becoming a constant burden for me and losing weight was no longer fun. So I stopped even trying. I didn’t do anything for weeks. Now I know I am repeating myself if you read my Motivation blog I posted recently. So bear with me. Anyways, before I left for vacation, while I was packing, I stumbled upon two pairs of adorable jeans I had bought a few months ago in the midst of losing weight. I had finally fit back into a size 18 and I was so excited. I bought a pair of boyfriend jeans and a pair of skinny jeans. Neither one fit anymore. I was back down to 2 pairs of jeans that fit mostly comfortably without a massive muffin top. That was a shocker and definitely a wake up to the fact that I had to find a way to NOT feel so burnt out anymore.

During the cruise I got away from my phone, from social media, from counting calories, from constant daily worries about workouts and I got some time to myself. I spent some time with my cousin and got a different view point. I got to read next to a pool on a sunny afternoon (in the middle of the day, WHAT?!). I got to sit on our balcony while the sun was setting and just think. I took naps in the middle of the afternoon. I snuggled with the husband. I stared up at a sky full of stars while sitting in a warm hot tub. I laughed till I almost peed myself at comedy shows.With all of this, eventually my thoughts were able to gather together and I came to some pretty clear decisions about this journey of mine. I knew I couldn’t continue to feel burnt out but I also knew I couldn’t continue down the obsessive path I had been on. I was ready to start kicking PCOS’s booty again. BUT I was going to do it MY WAY.

The weather is cooler again and I have been missing my evening run/walks. It felt GREAT to see how much stronger I got each time I got out there and there is just something about exercising in fresh air that I love. But the heat eventually drove me in as it normally does and I took up swimming instead. We had a LONG summer last year and not much cold weather. But FINALLY we are having a cooler fall. So I suspended my gym membership and decided to get back outside. I will miss swimming but I really loved training for The Color Run last year. So I specifically chose a program as a guideline that started off with a week of walking first. I know that I need to build my endurance slowly back up. I will be tweaking the program as I need to, I just wanted something as a basis to at least work from.

I have a list of events I want to do. Mud runs and fun 5k’s all happening next year. I plan on printing the list and hanging it on my wall as motivation. 
As for food. I have begun to have a different relationship with it recently. I have been content with eating for survival instead of constantly letting food be my therapy. I am not 100% better but I am working on it each day. 
I am not going to lie, turning 30 was hard. I had a reality slap of sorts on my 30th birthday. I had to wrap my head around the fact that I was letting a lot of toxic relationships over rule my life a bit this year and it was negatively effecting me. But I can’t change others, I can change me. So I made the decision to pull away a bit from the people who haven’t been great at being supportive and concentrate fully on me. I can love them but I don’t need to focus my attention on them all the time. I have some healing to do of my own. I have some soul searching to do of my own. I need to find a more productive way of dealing with the daily stresses that pop up because life can be stressful. Food can not be my anti-anxiety pill anymore because what I eat really effects my PCOS. I am going back to what worked for me, low carbs and high proteins. Simple foods, meats and vegetables and fruits. Very little sugars, processed foods and dairy. Simple eating. Eating for nutrition not for stress. I am not counting calories. I am not counting carbohydrates. I am simply working on just making smarter choices with food.
I started off this week with that in mind. I spent Sunday preparing a huge batch of chicken soup with basically ALL THE VEGETABLES thrown into it. It should last me a week and it tastes AMAZING. Mindless dinners for busy work weeks are always the best. I don’t have a lot of time in the evenings to cook up big healthy dinners, so food prep is sort of essential and I like simple things, like big batches of soup in the cooler months.
I feel good. I feel steady. I know that I am in control and I make the decisions on how to get healthy. Life is going to have ups and downs no matter what, but I control how I deal with all of it. With my vacation behind me, I now look forward to the new changes, I look forward to the new challenges and I especially look forward to sharing them on here!!

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