Insecurities…

Ouch. I still haven’t learned. You would think having this health condition (PCOS) my whole life, well at least since I was 13 years old, it would have taught me by now a few lessons. Seems I am resistant to learning these lessons, even after all these years. 





I have spent years and years, hiding my problems, secretly keeping the shameful secret to myself that I was suffering. It is only recently I have been forcing myself to quit thinking of PCOS as a shameful secret and more like a learning experience/way to help other women not feel ashamed by it. 


But it appears, I still keep resisting thinking of myself with a health condition that requires certain lifestyle changes. Like, two weeks ago, I was unexpectedly visited by Aunt Flow the night before payday (heehee I actually sound lady like for once) and had to have a friend bring me some lady products. Almost did it again this week. I could blame the crazy unpredictable Aunt Flow that is happening a lot lately, or I could face the music, with a condition like mine, they have never been predictable and I know I need to keep a nice stock in my cupboard for those uh oh  moments. 


I know food affects me. I know exercise affects me. I know this, duh duh duh. But I keep shoving that sugary loaded down with processed carbohydrates food in my mouth these days. Then I get mad at my body when it freaks out. I know I need sleep, so why do I insist on watching one more episode of How I Met Your Mother before bed? Will I ever learn?


I am frustrated with myself. Very frustrated.


Here is what the problem is. I keep thinking about food like most people, eat what is “healthy” for everyone else. Following the triangle. But what I keep forgetting is this condition of mine comes about because my body can’t process carbohydrates like everyone else’s can. To be honest with you, finding a healthy eating plan to follow can feel so overwhelming and I often times waffle on it. It is complicated how this crazy body works and I still haven’t figured it out yet. When I start feeling overwhelmed, I just choose to eat whatever I like and then that gets me in trouble (read above). 


I have done extensive research on Paleo, been blogging, talking and researching it for a couple weeks now. I am super excited about it. But this morning, I woke up unsure again. What if this makes things worse? Like when I have gone on other lifestyle changes? This anxiety might be stemming from lack of sleep, feeling like crap lately or just because any decision makes me uncomfortable. 





Then I stumbled upon this blog post this morning. Reading these words from another PCOS sufferer who has chosen to greatly reduce carbohydrates in her life restored a little bit of hope inside of me. She said if you are lactose intolerant, dairy is the enemy. If you have celiac disease, gluten is the enemy. So why wouldn’t it make sense that when your body can’t process carbohydrates or sugars correctly, they would be the enemy? She said it was worth a little sacrifice of not being able to eat certain things, just to have a normal Aunt Flow and to feel good.


I talked to the husband, he agreed, eating more meat could raise my cholesterol like I had read last night, so why not allow myself oatmeal still, that way I can use it to lower my cholesterol but it won’t completely kill our Paleo changes. Wow, what a great idea! Find what works for me right? This alternative gives me a chance to feel a little bit more comfortable with this change because letsbehonest here, change for me, is never comfortable but neither is feeling like I have been feeling for the last couple of weeks: super exhausted, depressed, cranky, bloated, crampy, uncomfortable in my own skin and highly sluggish. Now I just need to remember and keep remembering to put my health first, listen when it tries to tell me something and do what feels good for me. Learn the lessons it is teaching me. That is the hard part. 


How do you keep yourself on track? How do you remind yourself to eat healthy? Ever get overwhelmed by all the diet options out there and not know which one will suit your body? How do you choose an eating plan that works for you?



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