At least I am doing good at getting back on track with my eating. (But shhh, let’s not mention my Rockstar habit right now.) I am also doing great on drinking my cranberry tea each morning and taking my multi-vitamin for the anemia. I am actually starting to feel somewhat human again after my two week vacation from healthy stuff.
Sadly though, Tia Chi was cancelled yesterday. So I figured I could just stay home and use the time to get caught up on Thursdays homework. After that, I figured I could practice the sequence on my own. That was the plan at least. What really ended up happening was I laid down for what I intended to be a 15 minute shut eye session after work to get my pep back and it ended up being an hour long nap. This is bad for me. I don’t do naps late in the day well. I wake up groggy and grumpy. I was not motivated, so I sat on the couch and watched “How I Met Your Mother,” till the husband got home.
After a short conversation on the phone with my sister till 10:30 pm, I got my second wind obviously. So I was wide awake laying in bed overheating (no it wasn’t that hot) till 2:00 am, when I finally kicked the husband/cat out of the bed (the cat insists on sleeping on my feet which overheats me and I wanted the a/c all to myself plus I felt bad for keeping the husband awake with my tossing) and cooled off enough to fall asleep.
Needless to say, I was not getting up at 5:45 am to run after going to bed at 2 am.
I can feel the sugar cravings coming on. They always rear their head when I am too tired to resist them. But resist I will. I might be sucking at exercising regularly but I will not start with the sugar again.
So I have been racking my brain on why it was so easy for me to quit smoking last year for 8 months and why it has been super hard since I started again. I quit in April of 2011 and stayed smoke free till December 2011, which would make roughly 8-9 months of being smoke free.
When I quit the first time I was still in my first year general classes, I was just making up a few in order to start my second year legal courses. Some semesters I only had one or two classes. Most were pretty easy to keep up on as well. I had just come back from a 3 month break from school and was well rested. My stress level was fine because my husband was in school and pulling quit a bit in from pell grants etc. We had just kicked his horrible couch surfing sister out and we had our house back. That spring/summer we had discovered our local Farmers Market and we diligently shopped there every Saturday. We yard sale’d like crazy, picking up items for our house. Then we would bring our treasurers home to paint and restore. We discovered new hiking spots. We went to the river. We went on little weekend vacations. My homework load was easy. I was getting to bed by 10:00 pm every night.
Then December hit. I was trying to squeeze in all the Christmas shopping, I started my second year legal courses in October and the husband lost his funding around that time as well. I spent every spare dime we had on getting the perfect gifts for everyone (I vowed NEVER to do that again. This year, homemade gifts for all). It was crazy. I was crazy. I started slipping here and there but didn’t really go into full blown smoker mode again till January 2012.
We were so behind from December, we still haven’t caught up plus we lost half of our income starting January. I started to get overwhelmed with my legal courses and all the MASS amount of homework. I started sacrificing sleep. I go through periods when I am super good at taking care of myself, during those periods I stop smoking just fine. Then I get overwhelmed and whoops I got a cigarette in my hand.
Turns out, when I am stressed, quitting becomes at least 20 times harder then it was before. When I am not sleeping, not taking care of myself, feeling overwhelmed, those are the moments I always fall back on smoking to get me through the rough times. I can’t handle nicotine cravings at the same time that I feel like I can barely balance everything teetering on my plate. So I don’t, I smoke. Not a good solution because it makes it worse, I spend more money I don’t have, I stay up later than I should have smoking at night and I feel crappier.
It isn’t logical.
But I promised myself I would start taking things one at a time. First step was eating healthy again. Second step is exercising regularly again and third step is quitting smoking.
Have you ever had to quit smoking? What bad habits would you like to kick to the curb?