Should I be ashamed of my success…

I have a problem, a conflict inside myself, a war you might say and it is draining my precious energy. So maybe you can help?

I wonder what you do with the friends that slowly become ex friends because they are intimidated by your success? These friends that suddenly start making negative comments, talking behind your back and cause unnecessary drama. Suddenly they stop liking your statuses on Facebook (though they are on it practically every minute of every day) and start a silent competition. Who can one up the other.

I am not playing. I refuse. I love my life. I thoroughly enjoy everything I am doing. I run long exhausting days but getting the chance to attend college for something I love while getting to work an amazing job are my rewards. I chose this knowing how much work it was going to take. I wanted this.

As for my marriage, it is my own, my husband and I are best friends, it took a lot of years to work out the kinks but now we tend to work as a well oiled machine. We laugh a lot, we enjoy being active and having fun together.

This isn’t a competition, this is my life.

I made an innocent comment on a friends status the other day, her sister turned it into a pissing match and the thread was soon deleted. I have never met this sister, she had no reason to take my comment personal unless my “friend” had been talking not so nice things to her about me and she already had a reason to be defensive. I am an honest person but not an unkind person.

I really prefer honesty and people who tell you they don’t like you rather than the snide snarky comments. For example, when I make comments on statuses or pictures I get ignored, or how I never get Christmas cards anymore or phone calls just to chat. It isn’t like “friend” is directly saying “fuck off” to my face, but the subtle hints are pretty obvious none the less.

Honestly I don’t have the time or energy to play these games.

My husbands vote is, delete her. For him the decision is easy, if someone starts getting petty with you, because your life is moving in a different direction, one they feel intimidated by or jealous of, then you delete them, they aren’t your true friend. That decision doesn’t come so easily to me. I debate, I hem, I haw, I ask advice, I get told to delete them by a couple more people, I try texting this “friend” trying to be civilized, I get half ass responses back, I get upset, I debate some more.

The truth is we use to be really good friends. Almost inseparable for a long time. I thought we trusted each other. But time moved on, we moved to different city’s and our lives started going in different directions. Even so, I have never been rude, or not been there when I get text messages, I didn’t initiate this situation at all. But I am sure as hell getting a lot of grief over it, like I personally wronged them for moving on with my life and starting to make my dreams come true.

So I ask, does anyone out there in cyber world understand? Should I confront them, delete them or just ignore it all? Have you ever felt the same? Any suggestions?


5 thoughts on “Should I be ashamed of my success…

  1. Deleting them may seem like a smack in the face, making them feel like they have the right to say the whole thing is on you. However, it sounds like they rightly deserve it.

    What it usually comes down to for me is, do you care if they see what you continue to post on your FB? Or would you rather them not see it anymore? If it doesnt bother you, then let them continue to see your success and let it be their grief, not yours. Maybe they will eventually see that they are in the wrong, maybe they are dealing with inner struggles and you are feeling the repercussions.

    Hope I helped

  2. That is exactly how I feel.. like deleting them would make it all worse. I honestly don't care if they see what is on my Facebook, I am careful about what I put on there anyways. Great advice, I like that idea a lot!!

    Thank you!

  3. I am a great deal like you. I am honest & forthright. You know where you stand with me. When I'm your friend I'm not going to be stabbing you in the back or being petty & mean. Here's where you & I differ though – I've grown more cold hearted because of too much abuse. If you diss me, I'll only put up with it for so long, give you the benefit of the doubt only for so long, try to work things out if it goes on longer than I think is right, but then BAM!!! You're DONE! I've deleted many FB “friends” & real life friends, as well. My best friend years ago was coming into my house stealing from us. When I finally caught her – no mercy! I pressed charges & she went to prison for a 20 years sentence, but was let out on parole after 4 1/2. I've agonized over that decision many times, but everyone told me she was no friend & deserved what she got. *sigh*
    I also got rid of a dear cousin “friend” when I got tired of always chasing after her friendship. Seemed she liked being with me as long as I was buying, but couldn't find time for me in her life, otherwise. Lots of other family & friends have gotten deleted from my life recently. I can't put up with meanness & abuse – much too depressing!

  4. @ Laura.. I am so very sorry, what a hard decision that must have been!! I really would despise being put in that position but she obviously wasn't your friend.

    I am not good at the deleting, though I was given interesting advice, “maybe you should do nothing.” I have been contemplating it ever since, maybe I shouldn't do anything and just sit here letting it work itself out. Since it is petty and stupid.

    I wish friendships were easier!

  5. Yes, I know what you mean. It seems not much is very easy on this earth – at least not for long! I'm hoping the new friendship I've made with a very old friend from grade school will be the best one ever. It seems it's working out beautifully so far….

    And I know I'm blessed with a really great husband – so very lucky in that department! 🙂

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