I have been thinking a lot about change. Mostly because I started noticing recently that certain things were bugging me more than normal. I am assuming as I get older I am getting a lower BS tolerance. I can’t stand rudeness, unkindness and selfishness. Seems to be an abundance of it around me.
But what has shocked me the most, is what I have been noticing in the people I use to consider close to me. I don’t mind people not calling often, or being involved in their own life’s. But when it has gotten to the point where the only time I get a phone call is when they need a shoulder to cry on or a place to live.. well now that is just ridiculous. But when the tables are turned and I need the shoulder to cry on, guess who isn’t there?
Mostly I felt alone. I felt unsupported by the people I thought would always be there. I started feeling resentful that no one was cheering me on, supporting me, acknowledging how hard I work or all that I have to deal with. There were still a few people in my life, making it worth while, but still not as many as there use to be.
I have even noticed this cut throat, out for themselves attitude that seems genetic in my family. It scares the crap out of me. I don’t want to become selfish or jaded, but when you are surrounded by it, what else is a girl to do?
I started becoming angry, stressed, down right grumpy all the time. It was taking over my life. Other peoples actions were getting to me. And the same question kept rolling around in my head.. WHY?? why would they do this? Why did they use me? Why do they think it is okay?
The stress was eating me alive. Pretty soon that was all I would talk about with my husband, everyone else, all their actions, I stopped concentrating on work, school, my life in general, it got really bad. Pretty soon I was feeling the affects of the stress on my health. I was slipping on my goals. My husband started getting a far away look when I would even mention someone elses actions.
It had to stop. I needed to clear my head. I needed a way of coping with other people’s actions.
I finally started looking for help in books, research, Google, etc. And I stumbled upon some pretty golden advice….
What a concept. I can’t change other people. I can only change me and how I let things affect me. For weeks now I have been pouring over meditation books, finding inner peace and self help research. I decided to take a few bits from everything and put it into play in my life…
- When I find myself thinking negative thoughts about someone or getting frustrated with their actions, I close my eyes, count slowly to 10 and than remind myself to let it go, I even sometimes picture them in a bubble floating away from me. I remind myself that they are entitled to their life and it doesn’t affect me.
- I am honest with myself and others. I won’t lie to prevent a fight, but I also don’t need to say things in a harsh manor, I can be firm and kind. I am also learning to listen to others. Try to hear what they are saying clearly without judgement.
- When I am not ready to deal with something, I will file it in the will think about and get back to file, which just means I will give myself the time I deserve to think about it, without feeling pressured, when I have thoroughly thought about it and feel comfortable with my decision, than I will respond.
- I will treat other’s how I want to be treated. With kindness and respect. I will treat other’s, even people I don’t like the same. But this does not mean I will allow people to walk all over me. If this happens, I will just choose to not have them in my life, whether for a short period of time or longer, it is my choice.
- I will respect myself enough to not let people degrade me or belittle me. If they want to insult me, that is their choice but it won’t make or break me. When I start feeling that way I need to close my eyes, get real quiet and list off the reasons I am a good person.
- I will forgive people. Not because I want them in my life necessarily, but because not forgiving people encourages anger and resentment in myself. I can forgive than move on. But it doesn’t mean I will continue to let them burn me. I will build clear boundaries. I will not hold unto things I can not change. If I am struggling with forgiving someone, I will write down the bad things and burn them as a way of letting go.
- I will concentrate on me. My life. Supporting myself, loving myself and being my own best friend. I will concentrate on making changes inside/outside while also being my best supporter. I will no longer rely on outside people to cheer me on or show me support. I will accept that some people will and some people won’t. The people who want to be apart of my life will be, the rest will come in and out when they want to, their choice.
- I will remember to take 15 minutes of quiet time at least twice a day, those are 15 minutes that I deserve and are mine. I will work on making my body healthy on the inside and outside, exercising my mind and body.
I have already started working on these concepts, incorporating them in my life slowly. I won’t always succeed and it will take a long time to make these actions constant habits in my life. But they are already helping with my stress level. I can feel the anger, anxiety and stress starting to slip away, each time I meditate or close my eyes and repeat my mantra, or accept other’s behavior for what it is.
Change. We can’t stop it. I have noticed a lot of changes happening in my life and I know there will be a lot more. But each day that I learn to cope with stress, eat healthy, exercise.. I feel like I am a little bit closer to figuring it all out.